I Don’t Suffer From Perversion, I Enjoy Every Moment of It

Hi everyone. My name is Elizabeth, and it’s been half an hour since the last time I cracked open an erotic romance wip.

I write m/m erotic romances with my best friend, Jenny Urban – Jenny is quiet and much better at playing sane that I am, and perfectly content at letting me be the outgoing one of the Daring Duo. Jenny’s the Urban half of our website, UrbanSilver, where you can go to find out more about our books and upcoming projects.

I’ve also been working on a few things on my own, but temporarily shelved a few of them for being stubborn little bastards while we got the blog together (you are welcome). Funny enough, it actually worked, and I’ve been writing like crazy the past few days.

When I’m not writing smut, I’m contemplating smut while I go about my daily life. Fortunately, my nearest and dearest are used to this by now. As a result, the following conversation in my house wasn’t entirely unusual:

Liz: …And she just took and took. No thought for a reach around the whole time. Totally selfish, even for a porno.
Bro: *grunt* The reach around should never be ignored.
Liz: Right? I mean. It’s… it’s only good manners.
Bro: Exactly. You take care of me, I take care of you. If you’re the kind of person that neglects the reach around…
Liz: …I probably wouldn’t want to know you.
Bro: Yes.
Spouse: You two are insane. I’m going to bed.*

My neighbors have probably learned more about gay sex than they ever thought possible, thanks to me.

And on THAT NOTE, I think I’ll just go into my Top Ten. The only one that really matters is #1, and once you see who it is, I bet you’ll understand… (Clicky-clicky for the full sized glory of my hotties)

1. Keith Urban

Keith gets to go first because he is my BULLET PROOF happy place. The only CDs in my car? His. The only fan club I have ever belonged to? His. The only Playgirl photoshoot that I have actively hunted down on eBay… Oh yeah. I might have come of age in the 90s, a flannel-wearing metal-listening, steel-toe boot stomping, black nail polish brandishing foe of honky-tonk (with a secret soft spot for Garth Brooks – DAMN YOU MOM), but Keith! Keith is my favorite. For. Ever. He even does disaster relief fundraising – he manned phones at a telethon for the Nashville floods, played benefits for Katrina victims…he says it’s because he feels like it’s what he should do, as part of the global community. How much you wanna bet he plays concerts for the victims in New Zealand and Japan? Seriously, I could talk about him all day.

Also, his ass is enough to make a grown woman cry. Jenny and I had floor seats at his Love, Pain, and the Whole Crazy World Tour, and he walked right past me. You could bounce a quarter off that thing. Momma like.

2. Misha Collins

When I see him on TV, I only want to talk to him, but when I see him in person, I suddenly want to climb him like a tree. And possibly feed him, because homeboy is effing skin and bones. But he’s quirky and brilliant and JFC I would so ride that like I stole it. But not with pictures, because I’d wonder what I was thinking. It’s like cameras completely fail to capture the full force and brilliance of his personality.

Did I mention his sarcasm started a non-profit organization dedicated to random acts of kindness? Not only is he gorgeous, but that?

3. Sendhil Ramamurthy

That smile. That hair. Those hands. His eyes!

Every single time I go looking at pictures of him, my brain just sort of… melts. He was what snagged me first season Heroes, and when his character went off the rails and broke up with his cop life partner and put their cute little adopted daughter in witness protection, I lost all interest in the show.

What? You say the show wasn’t a gay drama? Hmph. Clearly, you weren’t watching at the same metaphor I was.

But now Sendhil is in Covert Affairs and he’s got dubious motives from the beginning and JESUS FUCK has he gotten prettier. This, my friends, is my reward for so much clean living.

4. Angelina Jolie

Okay, I’m pretty sure she could crush my head like a walnut using just her thighs, but good God, what a way to go. Angelina is at the top of my “Sure, baby, I’ll come out with you on the cover of People. We can adopt a dozen orphans together and go on Oprah and tell the whole world about it. Whatever you want, baby” list. Actually, I think she might be the only one on it these days.

But, seriously. Have you seen this woman? Christ.

5. Orlando Bloom

But only if he was in character. Or gagged. Because every time I have seen him in an interview or read one of his interviews, he sounds dimmer than a dollar store flashlight.

Mmm… gagged. Yes.

6. Ian Somerhalder

A girl I used to know introduced me to the hotness that is Ian back when he was just a random dude in a couple of films, even before Lost. Do you want me to shut up? Just send me a picture of him. I could look at this pretty for hours.

*shifty eyes* Not that I have, of course.

7. Christian Kane

Musician, actor, hottie. Christian has this bad boy vibe that makes my knees go weak, but I swear I once saw an interview with him that had him thanking his momma and his deity every five minutes, so he’s actually just a good country boy with a mile-wide streak of naughty in him. And you know what we do with naughty, Pinkie?

Same thing we do every night.

8. Jared Padalecki and Jensen Ackles

AT THE SAME TIME PLEASE.

I’ve been drooling over these boys for nearly six years. I feel like I should get some kind of medal for not spontaneously combusting each time one of them has a love scene in Supernatural. I remember when Jared was just a skinny puppy, and Jensen was the bulky one of the two, and then Jared turned into this MAN BEAST and I just. Unf.

And then Jensen moved in with Jared for a year and got all brawny, too, and I was fucking done for. Cooked. Every girly bit in me had their names all over it, and I will gladly be an over-used one night stand with stories that only my fellow Birdies would believe. Please and thank you.

And, if I can’t keep up, the beauty of threesome, is that there is always someone else you can turn to in bed. EVERYBODY WINS. *coff*

9. Shemar Moore

Shemar is proof that there is a God and he wants us all to be happy. Just by looking at this. Shemar is gorgeous, talented, successful, and well-hung. Seriously, it’s like the perfection fairy came to visit him. No, really, there are naked pics of him. Bless you, Internet. Bless you down to your teeny little gossipy bits and bytes.

And that brings us to…

10. Michael Ballack

So, I’m kind of into football. The real kind, where the players kick the ball with their feet, and there are no “time outs” or huddles, just a 15 minute half were the coach gets to tear into his team for being a bunch of fucking idiots/remind them that there’s still another 45 minutes to go and not to stick their heads too far up their collective asses. And I especially like European football (Go FC Bayern!) and NT Germany.

Which brings me to Ballack. He is such a fucking prima donna, and it’s looking more and more like Jogi (NT coach) won’t put up with Ballack’s shit any more – he’s not even on the roster for the next two Euro 2012 qualifiers, which is kind of crazy, since he hasn’t even played for Die Nationalmannschaft since what, last Spring? Sometime before he blew out his now totally-healed ankle. And he’s been a bastard over and over again in the press…

But good God damn. What I wouldn’t like to do to him. I could so tie him up and teach him a few manners, maybe a lesson or two on the importance of team work. Not many men bring out the Domme in me, but him? Oh yes, sweetness. Him we need to take care of.

And there you have it. My Top Ten, in no particular order, complete with rambling commentary.If you made it this far, congratulations. Here’s your virtual cookie.

ALSO. To go along with your virtual cookie, I want to remind you all to enter in our Grand Opening Contest. Tons of awesome stuff, all for the taking. Just join out blog with Google Friend Connect and follow this link to leave a comment with your email so you get your name in our hat of awesomeness. GO. ENTER.

WIN SHIT.

I suck at subtle sometimes. It’s a gift and a curse.

*This conversation totally happened. I swear to it.

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11 Responses to I Don’t Suffer From Perversion, I Enjoy Every Moment of It

  1. Teri Anne Stanley

    Keith Urban used to be my boyfriend, before I realized that I am probably taller than him, and he got sidetracked with that Nicole skank. So you can have him, I'm done. Trace Adkins is my new boyfriend, I've seen him in person and confirmed that he is, indeed, way taller than me. Not that it matters when we are horizontal.

  2. Scarlett Parrish

    Oh hellz yeah, Ballack. Michael Bollocks, as I call him.

    Google Freddie Ljungberg for some hot Swedish footballtotty. I ain't kidding. He could have someone's eye out with that goalpost. No wonder they call him Freddie Lunchbox.

    Him and Askars, my new Swedish threeway thank you please.

  3. Scarlett Parrish

    Also, Francesco Totti. Never has a football player had a more appropriate name.

  4. Romance With a Twist

    Okay, I beg to differ on football, love those tight ends, but eh, I might convert for Francesco – and the name alone is enough to cause wet dreams! Viki Lyn

  5. Elizabeth Silver

    But Teri *laughs* I have wanted to BE Nicole since I saw her in BMX Bandits when I was a kid! It's like he married me, or something.

  6. Elizabeth Silver

    Francesco Totti? *googles* Oh good golly damn. I love football.

    And Viki, you should check out the footballers with me and Scarlett. Good golly. Such fine bodies, and they STRIP after matches to trade shirts!

  7. Romance With a Twist

    Name the time and place and i will be there!

  8. Nice picks. But the hottest footballer actually goes by the name of Steven Gerrard! :)

  9. OMG- Sendhil Ramamurthy is PRETTIER?? I hate cop dramas, but I may very well have to check that out. Yes, he and Milo Ventimiglia totally did it for me in the first season of Heroes. That was before Gabriel Gray stole my heart.

    LURVE Sendhil. Good call!

  10. Elizabeth Silver

    Hi Melissa! True, Gerrard is effing hot as hell. But I just plain ran out of room! ;)

    And yes, Daisy, he really did get prettier. See? *happy sigh*

  11. Elizabeth Silver

    And now I can't stop looking up pictures of Sendhil. I'd say that's a good way to spend an evening, wouldn't you? *grin*

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